sans titre/ apres toi
je veux la liberte
je veux pas les hommes
je veux y voyager
je veux m'aimer
je veux la verite
lala
lalalalalala
la la ou tu vas?
la la es ce que ca va?
la la pourquoi tu pleure?
la la pourquoi tu crie?
la la pourquoi tu es en colere?
la la qu'es ce qui se passe?
la la pourquoi tu rigole pas?
la la la la la la ne pleure pas
lala lal lalalala
Entre mer et terre
mon couer vivant
mes larmes doux
mes jambes croisees et froides
mon desir trop
la riviere courante
mes memoires de vieux amants
quelle melancholie
quelle peine
quelle impatience
quelques mots perdues
et sans prevenir
le merveille
se deroule
et tu es la
mais tu n'est pas la
tu est perdu dans la tempete
de mon chagrin
comme elle est agressive
furieuse
le mal de vivre
le desespoir
la comique a perdue son nez
ses chaussures
elle se laisse tomber dans le lac noir
de la nuit inconnue
toujours etudiante
toujours perdue
toujours croyante
toujours le desir
qui la pousse
jusqua la frontiere
entre mer et terre
comment tu t'appelle?
Moi je m'appelle solitude destruction desir explosion charactere egoiste idiot utopiste dramatiste martyre exsorsiste katarsiste protagoniste reine de mon putain palais fantastique d'illusion
Vereeuwigd
leven
leef
laveloos
gehavend
lonkt de liefde
wederom
en weer
gevallen
nog voor de wond
opnieuw gebroken
bloed stroomt
langs mijn wangen
drupt
in mijn navel
meer
rood
is
de zee van mijn verlangen
zoek de sleutel
tot jou
de ander
eeuwig
vereeuwigd
voor eeuwig
jij de ander
ik verloren zonder schip
op een nameloze kade
ver van hier
verloren
La fin du monde
je suis completement perdue
je suis trop impatiente
toujours perdue
dans ce monde cru
je m'appalle Chaos
Je ne sais rien faire
Je vive
je suis le volcan
l'eruption
le sang
qui brouille
je suis le danger
pour eux et pour moi meme
je suis femme
sans limite
je mange la peur
j'ai un pouvoir que je ne sais pas controller
mes reves me hontes
les ombres me suivent
la nuit tombe
sur mon couer chaque nuit
je suis la destruction
l'enemy de l'amour
l'enemy de la paix
l'enemy de moi meme
je suis le monstre
le dragon
je chante au feu
j'ai pas peur
je suis la peur
je suis rouge
et je tue
pour survivre
je meure pour aimer
je challenge la liberte
je tue la mystere
j'efface les nuages
je cri au soleil
j'arrete le vent
je jete tous que j'aime
parce que ce que j'aime ne suffit pas
je suis la fin du monde
je brule le vieux espoir
j'introduit le nouvel ordre
je vous presente
ce que vous avez toujours revee
mais jamais croyez
je suis femme
je vous ai creee
des maintenant
vous me honorez
et vous me jamais
mais jamais
oubliez
je suis la terre
je fais vous vivre
et des maintenant
vous me remerciez
sans arreter
je suis vos mere sacre
mon vagin est ton premier ouil
ton septieme sense
le couer de ton ame
le debut
et la fin
de toute vie
ne me violontez plus
je te prie
ne me violontez plus
Motherflower of all mankind
Motherflower of all mankind, I am confused.
Why do so many people treat you so bad, so ignorant?
Aren’t you just beautiful?
Why are you related so much to vulgarity and porn?
I find you beautiful and I cannot understand why there is so much violence around you.
Why do people abuse you, use you, humiliate you, manipulate you, rape you, hurt you?
While you are the giver of life, the creator itself.
I love your innerlips giving me acces to mysterious lands, not only my love n lover do enjoy you, also I who grew with you from birth would like to ask you permission to enter your portal to innerspace.
I know your essence deep inside me, you always tell me the truth, through liquids n vibrations, through wetness or dryness, sometimes hot, sometimes numb, sometimes jealous, sometimes witness.
Who are you though, in the reflexion of my whole existence?
What is your wisdom, your territory, your fears, your song?
Are you soul, essence, master, witch?
Are you my mother, my lover, my treasure, my pride?
Are you power, strenght, surrender.
Are you life?
Are you conscious, could you be more consious?
Could you be mine again?
Could you be my weapon, my tool?
Could you be my essence, portal, entrance, to worlds till now unknown. To power till now oppressed, to wisdom till now ignored?
Could you be the one I seek, the one I miss, the one one I bare, my master, my teacher in the night?
You look like an oracle the closer I bend over to you.
Oracle of furtility and creation. Do you see the light?
You look like a tunnel to outer space, to innerworlds, a portal to magic, the tunnel through wich Alice falls following the rabbit to wonderland.
Is that you, in your deep red n purple dress, shiny n dark, soft n warm, scary n wild, could I please enter your majestuous palace and get to know your wealth and bliss? Will you tell me your story?
Why don’t you speak out loud?
For lovers only
I'll make love to myself then
I will melt with myself then
I will promise myself then
I'll fly with myself then
with myself
I'll marry myself then
I'll have anything I need then
all by myself then
I'll be proud of myself then
I'll take care of myself then
nothing but myself then
I'll take myself then
to the promised land
for lovers only
I'll invite myself then
for this sacred dance
I'll carry myself then
I'll fulfill myself then
I' ll love myself then
No title
From the deep darkness at the bottom of the sea rises a star in the night
the Promise
alone
really alone
in bed
alone
trying to love myself
and the silence
trying to define the sound of silence
longing makes sick
longing till all hope's gone
it starts raining
sound of rain
promise
of the dutch empty fields
sound of water
reminds me of the dream
the ocean calling
but I'm still alone
alone
with memories of past loves
sick
longing makes sick
waiting for spring to send me
some one new
does it still exist?
a kiss
the smell
of hot love
melting tongues
the one
the one
the one
I patiently await
not knowing his name
him
who is he?
patiently and sick
I await my destiny
a sign of life
sending me my most beloved
trying to love myself
for sensing there
a secret
preparing through the task
of loving oneself
patiently and sick
holding a newborn virginity
longing for the one
not knowing his name
I guess
you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
maybe not
and suddenly
least expected
he'll run into my life
as if he'd never left
as if alone had never been
patiently and sick
I guard my broken heart
longing for distraction
to solve the pain
to burn the passion
to give myself away
to die in his eyes
and to be loved
one and only
to be loved
to awake
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in loveinloveinloveinloveinloveinlove
Is it you?
Is it you?
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
my love
In love
alone
really alone
in bed
alone
trying to love myself
and the silence
trying to define the sound of silence
longing makes sick
longing till all hope's gone
it starts raining
sound of rain
promise
of the dutch empty fields
sound of water
reminds me of the dream
the ocean calling
but I'm still alone
alone
with memories of past loves
sick
longing makes sick
waiting for spring to send me
some one new
does it still exist?
a kiss
the smell
of hot love
melting tongues
the one
the one
the one
I patiently await
not knowing his name
could it be you?
him
who is he?
where are you?
I do know your name
is it truely you?
patiently and sick
I await my destiny
a sign of life
sending me my most beloved
trying to love myself
for sensing there
a secret
preparing through the task
of loving oneself
patiently and sick
holding a newborn virginity
longing for the one
not knowing his name
I guess
it's you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
maybe not
and suddenly
least expected
he'll run into my life
as if he'd never left
as if alone had never been
patiently and sick
I guard my broken heart
longing for distraction
to solve the pain
to burn the passion
to give myself away
to die in his eyes
and to be loved
one and only
to be loved
to awake
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in loveinloveinloveinloveinloveinloveinlove
To whom this dream may concern
To be honest.....
I wrote you a poem
I don't dare to give it to you
for it's so dramatic
and passionate
and overwhelming
for myself to read
Are you crazy Helena!
Don't overact
don't loose youself
don't go too far
it might all be a fantasy
it might not be true
you might be disapointed
you only met him twice
maybe you're making it all up
and when you meet it's all gone
and then?
better keep it secret
and see what reality will bring
let's say nothing now
stop dreaming
stop feeling
you went too far
you're an actress
don't make it up
How do I know that this is true?
You feel it
Yes I feel it
I almost faint
I can only smile
and cry
and thank God
and sing
and so sick
sick of ocean waves
rushing through my belly
sick of
this is too good to be true
sick of everything I want to tell you
and the fear of you not liking it
you misunderstanding me for who I am
fear of loosing you already
just by my words
my helpless words
my grammar mistakes
my bad english
ooh la la
Deus
fear of you seeing me
Seeing straight trough me
I know you already do
You did from the beginning
but you might wake up one day
and see things all differently
I wasn't what you saw
it wasn't me
but a projection of white horses
and cadillacs
princesses and their fairytales
what a terribly sweet feeling
Since you made love to me
I can't breathe
I can't eat
I can't believe
But there is also
still
that Gioconda smile
that patient smile
a sort of peace
knowing
deep inside
knowing this is true
there is no doubt
but then again
Jallai!!!
everything turns around
my stomach
I hate myself
for all these fantasies
voices
and visions
What if?
What if?
What if?
You know what.....
Fuck it!
Even if it's just a dream
then let me have the guts
and share my dream with you
to whom this dream concerns......
Cause in the end
all I want
is the truth
and nothing but the truth
So if now
I scare you off
and you discover something new
then let me go
cause for half a dream
I wasn't born
dinsdag/woensdag 5 uur
Jij bent de witte haan die me
wakker kraait. De witte uil
die me wakker houdt. De witte
hond die me in slaap sust. En de
witte prins die me wakker kust.
woensdag 2 uur
Toi tu es mon bible
Tu es mon koran
Toi tu es mon kaballa
Toi mon livre sacre
Mon Miracle
Mon prince charmant
Vrijdag 3 uur
Rendez vous avec des vieux amants
et comme tu es present
dans mon coeur mes pieds
ma respiration mes mots mes gestes
mes eclats de rire
c'est tout plein de Toi
Tu es la lumiere partout
saturday 01.30
You are the Wisdom
The Wise and Ancient tree
I have always been searching for
Now that I once smelled your flowers,
tasted your juice,
there iis no peace for me until I discovered all the sacred
miracles and mysteries of this infinite destiny called love
Happy Birthday My Love
I have to be honest....
I didn't want to spoil your birthday
therefore I spoke to you nicely on the chat
but...
maybe it is nicer to give you something truthful for your birthday.
Fragments of love and fear
My love
Oh god my love
I don't know what to do
I am so restless
impatient
in love
sad
delighted
A mantra singing through my head
I love you I love you I love you!
I wrote you so many poems
They're all presents from my heart
They are all for you
But I don't dare to give them to you!
I am afraid
What if I love you more?
What if you love me more?
What if we take each other for someone else?
Is it you I love?
Is it me you love?
Is this real?
I want to embrace you
love you
melt with you
but you are so far away
will you ever come closer?
I feel like a little girl dreaming of her prince
but is this prince a real man?
Is it not just a dream?
Babak
What can I do?
please help me
to remain in peace
and to just enjoy this Adventure
Yesterday I suddenly thought it would be better if you wouldn't come.
Wouldn't it be better if we forget about each other?
We are so far apart
I cannot handle the distance
Our lives are so different
now there might still be a way back
I am preparing for the sea Babak
heading for a wanderer's life
my boat as my home and the ocean
I want to travel and to be free
I don't want to come live with you in Stockholm
I don't want to settle and buy a house
I want to discover the world
The road is my house
There is so much to see and to explore
So many angels to meet
I know you are a traveller too
but aren't we complete different travellers?
We are extremely different!
I am a poor artist
I make performances about vagina's,
I work in a hammam to reveil women's secrets
and to be close to the water
I collect stories in the street
I spent nights with the homeless in the park
I talk to birds and walls and I speak a million languages to myself
I sing all day for my gods I often forget the time
I believe in something which I can barely see
I often feel completely crazy and lost
I love to scream when I am sad and I cry as much as I laugh
I have no normal rythm, no structure in my life I am chaos and I love it
I spend days alone in my atelier, writing, drawing, sewing stories on my sails
I see symbols and signs in every little thing
I live in my own world and I believe in it.
I am stubborn and convinced
I live of almost no money at all
I always feel everything will be alright
Deep inside I believe all impossibilities will be possible one day
I fight for the impossible to become possible. The dream to come true.
My dreams became obsessions
I can be extremely angry when people try to bring me back to their so called reality
You have to be realistic Helena. That makes me Violent! And hits my darkest insecurity and poisons me with feelings of guilt, lokura, inquisition. Burn witch burn!
Logic makes me sick and Mathematics are my greatest enemy.
You are a rich man Babak
a business man a professor
You set up your own business at such early age!
you're extremely talented and hyper intelligent
you understand and love logic, mathematics and the world of science
I don't believe in science as the master of all visions
I believe science is as much a religion as any other
I respect it and I honour it just as any other religion
I don't believe in our Western Superiority
You are a magician
You are a bridge between the visible and the invisible
between cultures
You are a poet a great writer you touch genius
but I am afraid that in the end 'logic' might win
and you will call me a dreamer
my believe a fantasy
and you are going to try to convince me of 'reality'
I love my life
I love my independence
I love to be free
But now that I start loving you
I feel again the natural will
to surrender
to give myself away
to give up myself
the natural urge to give all I have and all I am to the man I love
And I can love Babak
My love is like a wild horse
I know no limits no borders no excuse
In love I am a prairy dog, loyal and hunting all the beauty of life to give it to her most beloved.
That woman inside of me wants to give up everything
her dreams her passions her self for her man.
But I don't want that!
I want not to give up my dreams
I want to keep on fighting for my dreams
For self-realization
For art
I don't want to be a housewife supporting her husband
who makes a career and flies on set hours around the world
If I will have a family one day I want to live by the sea
My children will speak many languages
Live in many different places
And I won't lock them up in a boring society!
Oh Babak
I feel so easily imprisoned
A house and a love affair often make me feel caged in a golden palace
I get bored so easily and search for escape
The wind is always my guide
The sun my mother and I am God's bride
That's my One and Greatest Love
But I am a woman
And, oh God! Man!
I just love you!
I want to give you everything
Make silver into gold for you
Take care of you
Support you
I want to be your woman
I want to give you all you need and wish and dream
I want you to be free n wild
I want you to fly
Let's fly together!
Let's be shameless and just Love
For the moment
Now
And let's trust
The Universe will take take care of us!
Aaaahhh but Babak I am also so proud and jealous!
I don't want to loose my love to someone who isn't worth it.
My emotions are wild!
I can't controll them
And I cannot find peace within the longing.
What am I longing for?
is my longing just desire
Since last week I don't know what I can say to you and what not
I start censuring myself and I hate that
Censure makes me sick!
Really!
I need honesty
All the time
If not I drown in the muddy mist of thinking for others
and I forget about myself. I need my friends and the people I love to be honest with me. All the time.
Naturally I want to say to you
I love you I love you
but I behave reserved in order to protect myself.
If I have to start censuring myself it is no good.
If I feel I have to stop showing my love it is no good.
So, professionally I took distance from you.
I stop myself now when I start fantasizing about you
and I feel I push you away in my thoughts
I am also angry with you
that you are not more close to me
that you went to Berlin instead of coming to Amsterdam
that you make me wait!
I am a proud woman sir, not easy!
That you might be playing a game
just to distract yourself a bit from your busy life
that you speak all those romantic beautiful and overwhelming words
to all the girls just because you are a gentleman and you like to make women feel good and you love to impress them. Mister casanova. But you know, for me, this love....I never experienced something like this before. I don't spill my words.
They are true and always heavy weighted being written very seriously and straight from my heart. I am not a charmeur, a flaneur, a charlatan.
Now I feel that maybe we both have different intentions and then I'd rather stop it now. So be honest with me. Honesty is the only soil on which love can grow.
I'll have to speak out everything from now on! And I expect you to do the same!
Your passions, your fears, your insecurities, your wishes. Not just beautiful words but true words.
Voila!
That's my birthday present for you my love.
I took off my veil.
City of Love
My love,
I miss you
come kiss my trust awake
come love me
come
I won't run or hide
I am ready
to surrender
to your love
come
kidnap me
you'll be my Paris
I'll be your bride
Yours only,
Helena
Cette Nuit Blanche
je te sens en moi
je peux pas y croire
comme tu me regardes
tu viens d'ou Toi?
Comment tu savais....
tu es venu
moi Ici chez moi
Tu m'a cherche tu dis
Es-ce que je t'ai tattendue?
J'etais la....
je savais quelque chose
pret a passer
comment tu le savais toi
tu viens d'ou?
Mais oui, je te connais
il y a longtemps que je t'aime
mais je savais pas
que c'etait Toi
Comment tu le savait?
J'etais la chez moi
es-ce que je t'ai attendue?
J'etait preparee, c'est vrai....
Tout en blanc
bien comfortable dans ma solitude
mariee avec la mere et le pere nature
tranquile
en suivant mon destin
le jour
chaque jour
Je me reveillais chez moi
seule
En attendant Toi?
Peut-etre....
J'etais bien comfortable dans ma solitude
Sans illusion
en silence
je suivais les signes
le vent
un oiseau
un nuage
un son
une reve
une larme
un mot
une chanson
une piere
un silhouette
un ombre
une voix
un sms
une pensee
rien plus que signes
signes sans promesse
que les signes
signes sans but
Mais Toi tu le savais......
comment?
C'etait Toi qui a cree ces marques
ce recherche que j'ai adoree?
Tes yeux m'ont vu
avant que j'ai ouvri les miene
Tu es la patience meme
'La patience est la mere de la science'
On dit en Espagne
c'est vrai, tu es sage
je te vois
maintenant
je sais tout
sans rien savoir
c'est comme les signes
je les crois
mais j'ai aucun explanation
Toi Sacre Toi
Toi mon guide
jusqu'a mon propre couer
Tu me surprise
Je peux que rire
Je crois pas
C'est vrai ca?
Ca existe?
Ca existe vraiment?
Es-ce que tu es une reve?
Es-ce que tu es moi?
Es-ce que tu existe que en moi
Tu es l'amour meme
Pur
sans doute
attaque douce
de paix
de tendresse
de nude
de soleil
chaleur
pur
on the rocks
Tu me fais rire Toi
Tu es une fable
A dream come true
Tu m'embrasse
Je te sens en moi
profond
je savais pas si profondement
Tu etait la toujours, non?
Tu resteras la toujours, non?
Tu est nee, juste maintenant
avant tu etais un ange
une promesse
sans titre
un espace vide
reserve
dans le lit de mon couer
Tu a dormi longtemps
Tu etais une reve, n'est pas?
La reve s'est reveillee
Avec Toi Moi
Tout est nouveau
Tout est mystere
Tout est sacree
Tout est Toi
Et toi est Tout
Et tout en Moi
Et moi je n'existe plus
Je suis disparue
dans tes yeux
je suis devenue quelque chose
de vent
un vent tres ancien
un vent connu
un vent eternel
un vent que j'ai cherchee toujours
un vent que j'ai suivie toujours
Maintenant tu me retrouve
Maintenant je te reconnais
Maintenant qu'on est devenu vent
Mon ame
Mon Dieu
Ma terre
Ma mere
mes pieds
Mon couer
Mes levres
Ma respiration
Ma religion
Ma priere
Mon Destin
Mon Amour
Ce poeme n'a pas encore un titre/ Toi et moi
Toi devenu oiseau
Moi deviens ta piste
Toi le ciel
Moi la terre
Moi la tiene
Toi le miene
Toi et Moi
ciel deviens terre
terre et ciel
une ame
lalalala
roekoeroekoekoe
code inconue
prince et princesse
fable nude
d'une univers sans frontieres
imagine
maintenant
que le debut
quelle soit la future
cette univers si large deja
et blanc
et vide
legere
en tournant
lila
les arbres
d'un vert trop vert
les deesses chantent
les dieux les caressent
les animaux entendent
tout est silent
ce moment sacree
toute la nature s'embrasse
un enfant est nee
La!
quelque part loin d'ici
personne le sait
mais c'est un ange
creation de notre reveille amour
Duende
goodnight my lovely little owl
crowl from my shoulder to my heart
and kiss the strings attached
whisper me your dreams
and sing the birds awake
when the morninglight
declares dawn wake me
your silk wise feathers
tickling my breasts and nose
the bright insight of a newborn day
you'll crowl back to my shoulder
and stay stay stay my ancient muse
guide me another day.............
